The Ball

Lately I have been considering what it means to grown up. My thoughts are shifting. My interests are turning, and I no longer yearn for the same expressions that once dominated my rumination.

As a boy I was fascinated by balls. Bouncy Balls, Basketballs, Dodge Balls. Seeing how they worked, how high they bounced, what amount of force I could exert over them... it enraptured me for hours.

As a young adult I wanted to be that ball. The mystery no longer fascinated me, but the desire to understand, in a personal way, intrigued me. I did everything I could to reflect the qualities of said ball... the confidence, complete nature, yet freedom of movement and motion. I imagined the possibilities of the ball and the directions it could roll, to fill every spectrum and axis of our 360 degree universe. Yet a paradox remained. While I could roll full speed, in reckless abandon, toward one direction, in another I could defy the laws of physics and remain perfectly static. Hovering on the precipice of a pendulum pointed in 45 degree either way.

Now, as I grow older, I am slowly becoming the ball. My body is becoming more round. Slowly and surely, in an unconscious way, I am taking on the hue and texture of the ball. Intrinsically I am changing into what I always longed for, but in a gradual and appropriately deceptive way. I am no longer concerned or have anxiety about my particular complexities. Or exerting the force to explore the endless possibilities of my nature. In truth, some of my broad musings have lost their appeal and no longer preclude me from enjoying my spherical quiddity. 

I don't quite know what all this means yet. But the one thing that keeps cycling through my mind is that I am growing up. I am still interested in balls. Just not as concerned with proving what they can do. 

I'm gonna roll on by now.

Feeling of Forever

I woke up today to see an overcast sky out my window
Puts me in a frame of mind
As if all I know or am goes on forever
I am still in second grade
My mind is like a permeable membrane
There is a pressurized bulge around me lacking time or permanence
At once I am on the play ground declining an invitation to play kickball
At once I am in my bed just opening my eyes
and the grey window which glows back at me, holds me in time.

Dear Curious

Dear Curious,
These past years I have come to realize that as I get older, complacency becomes harder and more difficult to avoid. After some spiritual prompting, I have been compelled to start working again after a long season of stagnation. I am beginning to understand that I need to push myself into producing art and literature and music and service. I feel led to engage in holy spaces. I set up this page as an expression of this accountability. More of a landmark than a measuring stick. To express art projects that I am working on, or share poems and songs, or just ideas that I am working through. If you are reading this, I am not necessarily seeking approval or critique, nor comment or addition. I just need to get these things out. Though I hope what occurs here does spark ideas or fresh thoughts within your mind, as a Curious audience, and thus would encourage you to respond with creations of your own.

Sincerely,
Shawn Thomas